Psalm 13

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and everyday have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death.
my enemy will say, “I have overcome him?”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord.
for He has been good to me.
--Psalm 13

It was approximately one month ago that God gave me this scripture. It was a time of uncertainty and fear. I had just received a call from my OB doctor's office that my AFP blood screen results indicated a positive reading for a neural tube defect in the child I carried in my womb. I was told that sometimes false positives do occur in these tests and that I would have to see a perinatal specialist to receive further results. I was frustrated and deflated when I was told that I had to wait two weeks for an appointment with the specialist. My first instinct was to scramble for an earlier appointment. The thought of waiting two weeks was unbearable. Then God gave me Psalm 13 and, along with it, peace. Looking back, I am thankful for those two weeks of the unknown.

On June 16th, we arrived for our appointment and were ushered in to have an ultrasound. I went into the doctor's office that day with hope that the test was a false positive and that the ultrasound would show a healthy, active baby. A part of me also came in mentally prepared that my baby may have a neural tube defect like Spina Bifida (a defect of the spinal cord) and could face certain challenges in development. I know that Spina Bifida is a big deal, but I know that God is bigger and is capable of doing more than we can even imagine.

As the ultrasound tech moved the camera along my abdomen, I searched the screen for any signs of abnormality (even though I had no idea of what I was looking at)and probed the tech for answers. She remained silent. I took my eyes off the screen and glanced over at her. I will never forget the expression on her face. She pulled the pictures from the machine and said she had to show the pictures to the doctor. I asked her if we were having a boy or a girl. She said she did not get that far.

For the 20 minutes we sat in the exam room waiting for the doctor to come in, I stared at the door with tear-blurred eyes willing it to open. The doctor was quick and to the point. Our daughter has a severe neural tube defect -- the survival rate is 0%.

Nothing I say can describe the emotions I felt that day and have felt these many days since. Despite the sadness, I do trust in His unfailing love. He has given me the peace I need to make it through each day.

As you journey with me, please continue to pray for that peace.